It just dawned on me. I am not where I wanted to be because I wasn’t set on gettig there. I had no plan. There was no vision. Somewhere along the drive going home, I rememeber I used to have a drive. When I had that drive, I’d do all it took for me to get there. Whether it was a “good” job or not it didn’t matter because I would have put forth my entire energy to getting it done. The beat that will set my heart racing and that beat that allowed a tunnel vision, ignoring the rest of the world that that was around me. There was that internal drive that disregarded the sleepiness, disregarded noise in the chaotic background. I was in a zone.
i am far from perfect but I know that strength comes from practice. In athletes, there’s that muscle memory that is gained through hours of frivolous practice from the hard work through the blood, sweat and tears. I am now craving for that- the process it takes to get to where I want, to paint that picture I want with my life. The life I want, is only lacking the time and practice put forth into it. I think it’s about time I started to live again and to drive my life in the approximate direction I want it to go. I’m goin for that drive, that sense of passion. I am looking forward to maintaining it this time and to remain unfearful to what others may think. Most importantly, I am going to enjoy the ride and all that that comes with it.